Two Sided Coin

Back in 1993, I remember watching a movie called Shadowlands starring Anthony Hopkins and Debra Winger. The movie tells the tale of love, loss, grief, and return to joy in the life of C.S. Lewis. Lewis fell in love with Joy Gresham later in life, and was married to her for a short time before she died of bone cancer. He later wrote a book entitled A Grief Observed which I plan to read as I go through my own journey with grief.

I mention this movie because I had a great conversation with my mother-in-law this evening about grief and love and loss. She brought up the film because of a specific quote. "We can't have the happiness of yesterday without the pain of today." She went on to use the metaphor of a coin. Like a coin, life has two sides-- love and loss. I thought about this for awhile, and it is true. At some point, you can't have one without the other. Love is risky and it costs us something. It costs us sleepless nights, our vulnerability, and sometimes the cost is loss. You could choose not to love anyone and then never lose anyone and never risk anything. But what a boring, lonely, selfish life that would be!

If God had laid out a map for me at the beginning of my life and had asked for my opinion, "Do you want to have only thirty-four years with your mom or not know your mom at all so that you would never have to grieve her death?" I would choose my mom every time. I wouldn't change these last thirty-four years with my mom that were so full of abundant, vibrant life for anything. Even though I am experiencing the pain of losing a parent at a young age, I would go through it again to experience her love one more time.

And I know that in the end, after all the pain that we experience here on this earth, God will save the day when Love Wins.