Baby Book

One of the tasks that I will help my dad with this summer is going through my mom's things-- her clothes, jewelry, sewing/crafting supplies, photos, etc. It will be a monumental task because 1. She has a lot of things to go through and 2. I fear my heart might break as I have to decide what to do with each thing. I have a fear that as I let go of her "stuff" I will be letting go of her. The logical part of my brain says, "That's ridiculous!" but my heart says, "I don't know if I can do it!" I know that going through everything is all part of the healing process, and hope I will be ready for the challenge. Thankfully, we are in no rush, so we can take our time and move at whatever pace we can handle.

A few days ago, my dad and I walked from room to room surveying all the things that needed to be done. As I opened a cabinet door in the guest room, I discovered my baby book. I sat down on the floor, opened it up, and instantly felt my heart tightening in my chest. My mom had not only recorded all the details of my first year, but had written paragraphs about the first time she held me and what happened the day they brought me home from the hospital. There on the pages, in her neat cursive handwriting, were her words written just for me. How I wish I could sit down with her on the couch and listen to her tell me all about my first year in her own words. But since I can't, I am so thankful I found this book-- I will cherish it forever.

My baby book

Me on my birthday

My favorite passage from the book was a two paragraph description that my mom wrote about her "first impressions and reactions" after giving birth to me. It reads:

"It's a girl! She is so big, and has so much hair! In the delivery room, hearing her cry for the first time was about the greatest thing I've ever heard. My comment, upon seeing her in the delivery room, was that her hands were blue. The nurses remarked that Dwight was so proud that he was beaming. Holding her for the first time was really something. She is so small and soft and cuddly. Her hair is dark brown, and straight as a stick. Her eyes are blue, and she has a double chin! Her fingers are long and tapered, and her nails need to be cut already. She opens her eyes and looks out on her new world with questions-- we want so much for her. She was born facing up rather than down-- maybe that's a good sign."

Thank you, Mom, for leaving me with some of your words.

I think being born to you was the best gift of all.