An Idea

I had an idea early last year.  But after my mom died, the idea got put on the back burner.  The way back burner.  I had to go through a summer of learning how to breathe again, then school started and I was still healing, and that brings me to the beginning of 2012.  I am at a place now in my grief where I am crying less (which means maybe twice a day instead of ten times a day).  A place where I am ready to really try to remember and honor my mom without the stabbing pain of loss in my heart.  It's a minor throbbing now, not quite so acute as it was initially.

So you want to know my idea?  It is still in the formulating process, so I'm not sure what to really call it.  I guess the simple thing to say is I would like to write a book.  Not a novel (I'm totally not ready for that yet).  I'm thinking about writing a book that is part cookbook, part vignettes, part photography, and part grief counseling.  Let me explain.  I was going through my cookbooks one day last year trying to cull down my collection.  In the process I rediscovered my Grandma's old yellow spiral notebook with tons of her handwritten recipes throughout.  This got me thinking about all the special meals I shared with the two most influential women in my life-- my mom and my grandma.  I ended up writing down a list of the most special meals these women made for me.  From my Grandma's famous sweet and sour pork to my mom's pie crust recipe to the birthday meal my mom prepared for me every single year, I discovered that each recipe had a good story behind it.  The idea comes together in that way-- I envision a page with a recipe, a page with a story, a page with photography and then repeat.  The photography might be pictures from the past, but it could also be photos of me as I try to recreate these special meals.  Somehow through cooking and writing and sharing a meal with my own family and friends, these beautiful women's memory can live on.

Well, now the idea is out there.  Out there for all of you to know about.  I guess I just wanted to share what has been on my mind.  I have no deadline for myself, but I've got my feet wet by doing some research and writing a bit to get myself started.  I think this could also help with the healing process.  I'm sure there will be plenty more tears, but maybe by the end of it, I will be able to look at the result and smile.