Last March We Thought We Were Going To Lose Her

Exactly one year ago today, I wrote this post.  It was entitled "Perspective" and I wrote it after the second worst day of my life.  The worst day-- the darkest, most painful day of my life-- was May 3, 2011.  The day my mom died.  The second worst day of my life was March 27, 2011 because it was the day we thought we were going to lose her.  My mom had developed a severe staph infection and my dad had called me that morning saying I needed to come to the hospital quickly.  Her chest wound was reopening, her fever was 105, she was septic, and she had to be put on a ventilator to breathe.  Things were not looking good.

I remember that day.  My stomach was churning as I waited the the family room.  Friends and relatives gathered to talk and pray.  The nurse came in and gave us a grim outlook.  I was panic stricken.  But it was not her day to die yet.  She miraculously recovered, and March 27th did not see the end of her life.  The next day I wrote the post I mentioned above.  I was reflecting on how perspective changes everything.  I could complain about the numerous health problems still facing my mom or I could just be thankful that she was still with us.  I chose to be thankful.  Little did I know, I had just six more weeks with her.

I've often thought that God doesn't allow us to see the future for many reasons.  Mainly, though, I think if we saw the difficult days ahead of us (and we all have them), we would perhaps not be willing to endure them.  It would be too overwhelming to walk down that road. Not knowing that I only had six weeks left with my mom made me appreciate each and every day because I didn't know if it would be her last.  I am so grateful God granted us that extra time.  Do I wish I had more time?  Without a doubt.  Do I wish we had a different outcome all together?  The answer would be a resounding YES!  But I also know none of us are guaranteed tomorrow, and I know God's perspective is so much higher than mine could ever be. So I rest in that.

Last March we thought we were going to lose my mom.
But we didn't.

Mom and me at my baby shower for Lucas

I like to think of her smiling and happy.  No chest wounds.  No tubes. No infection.

This is the way I will always remember her.